You think that, in the early '60s, DEMOCRATS supported the Civil Rights Acts

you think that burning the US Flag is acceptable, because it's just a swatch of cloth and doesn't mean anything, but that just flying the Confederate Stars & Bars is unacceptable, because it's a symbol of HATRED.

you think that we in the US live in a police state, under a murdering dictator, where propaganda is spoon-fed to us like [we are] willing idiots and political opposition is crushed mercilessly.
(with thanks to Bill Whittle for this one.)

you think that a 1/2 degree of temperature increase within a time span of 50 years is significant...that is, a sample of 50 from a population size of 4.5 billion (0.00000125%) is statistically significant.

If you condemn Israel and the US for fighting terrorism, but turn a blind eye when another civilian cafe or bus station is blown up by radical fundies

You call Conservative millionaires "greedy", while calling Liberal millionaires "hard working", "creative", or "clever"

One day you label President Bush as just a "stupid hick from the sticks" and the next day call him an "diabolical genius"

You support killing of babies, but rush to the defense of hardened criminals

You believe that 6 month old babies and old ladies should be frisked at the airport, because focusing on swarthy-looking young Arabs would be
discriminatory.

You know you're a liberal when the rights of the migratory caribou are more important to you that the rights of actual people.

You know you're a liberal when you believe that condoms and clean needles should be handed out at school, but Bibles must not be allowed

You know you're a liberal when you use any of the following terms to describe someone in a derogatory manner: rich, successful, money-making...

You know you're a liberal when you believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

You know you're a liberal when you believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

You know you're a liberal when you believe that it's sexual harrassment when a conservative Supreme Court nominee makes a few crude jokes to one woman, but not when a liberal President serially gropes, fondles and exposes himself to multiple women.

You know you're a liberal when, if an innocent person is shot and killed, you blame the gun manufacturer.

You may be a Liberal if you feel that doctors are over-paid, and ambulance chasing lawyers are not.

You may be a Liberal if you think minorities could never make it without Affirmative Action

You may be a Liberal if you think the lives of animals are more precious than the lives of people

You may be a liberal if you peach about the evils of SUV's because of the gas they consume, then parade around in a 6 mile per galleon limo (Ala Hollywood)

You may be a Liberal if you think Fox News is a biased network, and Al Jazeerah isn't

You may be a Liberal if you think the Dixie Chicks and Tim Robbins should say what they want, but O'Reilly, Hannity, and Limbaugh should shut up

You may be a Liberal if you think Yassar Arrafat is a good leader

You may be a Liberal if you think Bill Clinton would make a good Sec. Gen. of the UN

You may be a Liberal if you think Yassar Arrafat or Chriac deserve a Nobel Peace Prize

You may be a Liberal if you think Al Hunt is the most informed journalist working for the Wall Street Journal.

You may be a Liberal if you associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"

You may be a Liberal if you think Dan Rather represents media impartiality

You may be a Liberal if your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."

You may be a Liberal if you've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals

You may be a Liberal if you believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race

You may be a Liberal if you abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh

You may be a Liberal if you believe that 3 whites gaining up on 1 black is a hate crime, but 3 blacks gaining up on one white is just "boys being boys"

You may be a Liberal if you cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion

You may be a Liberal if you think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways, and lessons on how to properly shoot up, are just what schools need

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

You begin sentences with the words "I feel."

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

You think it takes a village.

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

You ever wore earth shoes.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

You think that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene.

You blame the Unabomber's parents.

You have ever agreed with Martin Sheen or Barbara Streisand

You are against the war on terrorism, but are only too happy to make millions of dollars making movies about it

You preach about the evils of capitalism from the comfort of your $50,000,000 Beverly Hills mansion

You think that being able to play the President on a TV show automatically grants "political expertise" in real life.

You claim that there is too much violence in the movies....then you beat up anybody who disagrees with you

You think that more taxes are an "economic cure-all"

You think Hollywood is some kind of "supreme god" who can do and say no wrong, and should be worshipped 24/7

You call lies "truth" and you call truth "propaganda"

You believed Al Gore when he said he "invented the Internet"

You believed Bill Clinton when he said he "felt your pain".

You turn a blind eye to the suicide bombings at the hands of radical fanatics, but condemn Israel and the Western World for wanting to keep their people safe

You think Freedom of Speech means freedom from responsibility for what you say

You believe that Freedom of Speech only applies to a certain percentage of America, but not everybody else.

You think if a crime is committed with a gun, the gun is responsible, and NOT the offender

You blame the NRA, and not the criminals, for violent crime with guns

You think that another person's rights are an infringement upon your own rights

You think the Corporations are evil, but Communism and dictatorships are "noble"

You think the UN is an efficient governmental body

You say you fight discrimination, then you give minorities extra "perks" simply because of race.

You think the Kennedy Family was a "respectable family" but call George Bush a "Hitler"

You think traits like honesty and character are "out-dated"

You think that the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority

You somehow think taking guns away from honest citizens will reduce crime by violent offenders

You somehow think Saddam and Bin Laden are better for the world than President Bush

You believe people should do what you say, but not what you do

You preach "peace" and "love" and "non-violence" and "anti-gun laws" but appear in movies that glorify guns, explosives and twisting people's heads of with martial arts to win over the bad guys.

You deride Bush for landing on a plane to boost moral and show his gratitude to the troops but you praise Clinton for using the military as a social program to force gays into the ranks and lowering moral.

You think the "all Men are created equal" comments in the Declaration Of Independence means that they are actually equal in ability (as opposed to being given equal opportunity) and no one should make a choice about them based on their actual abilities to perform.

You think a person's sexual preference, and not their ability to perform, should be the deciding factor in who-gets-what job.

You think demanding respect is more important that actually doing something to earn it

You think the "right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" means breaking into military installations during wartime, stopping commerce, and breaking nudity laws are what the founding fathers meant.

You think the meaning of the Constitution changes with your moods or to suit your own ideals and/or agendas.

You think freedom OF religion means annihilation of any reference religion.

You think that rights of gays, lesbians, drag queens (or kings) should be forcibly recognized, but rights of Christians or other religious groups should be taken away

You think if anybody disagrees with you, they are challenging your rights to Free Speech

You think burning the American Flag is protected by Freedom of Speech, but those who disagree are not.

When you boycott a Conservative person and/or company you call it "Freedom of Choice"....but when Conservatives boycott, you call it "McCarthyism".

You think convicted criminals and democratic politicians who screw up are worth understanding and forgiving but conservative politicians and religious people who speak their opinion should be banned from public service.

You think that tolerance equals acceptance and anyone who doesn't accept a liberal cause is a racist or bigot.

You throw down the "race card" as your only argument.

You think terrorists and arsonists who burn down private property and harass businesses are noble but the troops who liberated Iraqis are war criminals.

You think that violent protests and domestic terrorism are how you affect change in our country instead of voting.

You ban Tom Sawyer from schools for being "racist" but you approve of My Two Moms as wholesome and acceptable.

You think that you can understand politics from Hollywood and activist celebrities without doing any research yourself.

You frown upon self-thought and independent thought.

You feel people should "share the wealth" (as long as your money is not the one being "shared")

You think pedophilia is ok, but God must be banned

You believe people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors.

You find charisma to be an appropriate replacement for honesty.

You find flashy rhetoric to be a suitable substitute for sincerity.

You don't believe willful omissions of facts should be considered lying.

You have a problem with the mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance, but have no qualms about it being printed on your wonderful money.

You simultaneously piss on our country and its system while reaping its rewards.

You refuse to acknowledge any contributions to society that were not made by minorities.

You believe if Martin Sheen or Sean Penn said so, it has to be a universally known fact

You try to make excuses for and justify terrorism

You think every problem can be solved with bigger Government

You believe that we can "spend our way" out of the deficit

You think Saddam Hussein, Bin Laden and Hitler were just "misunderstood"

You believe that people should not have to be expected to take responsibility for their actions

Mothers who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

Capitalism oppresses people and Socialism liberates people.

You do not believe that violent criminals should be subject to the death penalty because it's "inhumane" but at the same time, you refuse to lift a finger to save an un-born child

The government should provide cradle to grave entitlement programs for everyone.

No trees should be cut down, even if they're dead.

The government should tax every last bit of your paycheck.

You think that Saddam, Stalin, and Hitler were "noble" and in the same breath, you call President Bush "evil".

You take a trip over to a foreign country to profess how horrible America is.

You believe in choice except when it comes to retirement, schools, and health care

You think Clinton was an "honest and virtuous man"

You believe that unwed teenage mothers should get a paycheck from the Government

You ignore more than 50 years of medical warnings about tobacco use, but when you get cancer, the tobacco company is to blame.

You want to reward those who do not wish to work, and at the same time, punish those who do work

You think since Clinton only "smoked and didn't inhale" pot, it's OK

You think society "owes you a living"

You somehow believe that George Bush is more dangerous than Bin Laden, Saddam, Hitler, ect.

You believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

You believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

You somehow think that a President who lied under oath, compromised with fanatical dicators, and gave military secrets to hostile regimes is somehow better for America than the present Administration.

You believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of a fanatical hate-filled dictator.

You believe that 9/11 was an "Israeli conspiracy" and could never have been carried out by Bin Laden or his croonies

You think the best way to deal with terrorist regimes is to appease and compromise with them.

You think SUVs are responsible for the rising cost of gas

You believe that morals and integrity should never get in the way of popular opinion

You want to legalize drugs but outlaw tobacco.

You want what you feel "you deserve", instead of what you earn

You think it's OK to be dis-honest, if personal gain is at stake

You can exaggerate the facts and make up fiction to prove your point

You think trial Lawyers suing big corporations with lawsuits that deny arguments of personal responsibility is a "good thing"

You spew out your rhetoric, but have nothing to back it up.

You think that "truth" is irrelevant.

You think Ah-Nold should not have been allowed to run for Gov, because he's "just a celebrity", but at the same time, you would have had no problem endorsing Babs, Tim Robbins, or Martin Sheen based on that very criteria.

You refuse to ever fly the American flag or any other show of patriotism because this country has so many things wrong with it.

You think that the Fourth of July is an evil holiday and refuse to celebrate it.

You have always been constantly complaining, whining, and saying how much you absolutely hate this country despite the fact that you have been living here all your life and pay taxes and support the economy.

You believe that the term 'illegal immigrant' is profane.

You are a college professor at a big university.

You believe that we deserved and asked for the Sept. 11 attacks.

You think of our servicemen/women as being brainwashed, manipulated zombies.

You think that we have no business saying how Iraq should be run and therefore Saddam should of stayed in power.

You think that any WMD's that will be found were planted there by the Bush admin.

You have ever made a donation to Greenpeace

If you protest Ah-Nold's alleged "groping" of women while cheering when Bill Clinton admitted to sexual mis-conduct, you might be a Liberal

You believe that an accusation against a Conservative should not be concerned with whether or not that accusation is a lie or the truth but should be wholly concerned with the seriousness of the accusation.

If you decry every mention of Christian faith but demand a paid day off on Christmas

You may be a Liberal if you think Yassar Arrafat really cares about peace

You may be a Liberal if you think Jacque Chirac deserves a Nobel Prize

And Finally......................................................

You may be a Liberal if you think Ralph Nader cares about consumers, Unions care about their members, the ACLU cares about civil liberties, the National Education Association cares about education, People for the American Way care about the American way, and Bill Clinton cares about anything other than Bill Clinton.